Welcome back to another thrilling episode of Dumb-Ass Drivers: Clarksville Edition, where we explore the infinite wisdom—or lack thereof—of the fine folks navigating the roads of our humble Tennessee town. Today’s topic: The Great Flashing Yellow Light Conundrum.
Picture this: It’s a crisp morning on a bustling three-lane road, the kind where life is already moving faster than you’d like. You’re caffeinated,running errands, and ready to navigate the chaos. Then, it happens. A flashing yellow light appears. You think to yourself, Proceed with caution. Simple enough, right?
Wrong. 🤬
Somewhere, deep in the recesses of Clarksville’s collective driving psyche, “flashing yellow” has been misinterpreted as “thou shalt stop entirely and pretend this is a four-way stop.” Oh, the joy of watching a line of cars screech to a halt because one person decided to channel their inner traffic cop.
Let’s break it down for our heroes:
Flashing Yellow = Proceed with Caution, Motherf@ckr
Not “tap your brakes nervously,” not “stare blankly at oncoming traffic,” and certainly not “halt like you’re being interrogated by the FBI.” Just proceed. With caution. That’s it.
But no, Clarksville drivers have a different philosophy. To them, flashing yellow is a test of moral fortitude. Who will be the brave soul to defy the gods of hesitation and roll through? Spoiler alert: It’s never the person in the lead car. Instead, they sit there, confused and terrified, like a deer caught in headlights, while the rest of us wonder if life will ever move forward again.
And don’t even get me started on those who treat it like a four-way stop. You’ve got one car timidly inching forward, another driver aggressively waving everyone else on (“No, you go!”), and a third idiot honking like it’s the Indy 500. It’s like a badly choreographed dance routine, but instead of applause, all it earns is road rage and existential despair.
To my fellow Clarksville drivers, let me offer this nugget of wisdom: If you’re unsure what to do at a flashing yellow light, remember this mantra: Proceed with caution. Say it out loud. Feel the power. Let it guide you.
Until next time, stay safe, stay sane, and for the love of all that is holy, learn to drive. See you on the road (hopefully not at a flashing yellow light).
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