Jacked-Up

Published on 1 October 2024 at 10:27

Seriously, what's the purpose of a raised Dually truck? I mean, let’s break it down. You’re hauling what, exactly? A barn? A small country? It’s like someone looked at the monster truck and thought, "Yeah, let’s tone it down juuuust enough to drive it to Walmart."

But really, what are you doing with all that torque and elevation? Battling dinosaurs? Navigating an off-road swamp while towing a herd of cattle? No, you’re just cruising to Starbucks, blocking everyone’s view of the menu, and taking up three parking spots while ordering a pumpkin spice latte. It’s like Bigfoot had a baby, and this truck is its awkward, oversized toddler.

Honestly, the most action these trucks see is rolling over speed bumps in the grocery store parking lot with a flair of unnecessary aggression. But hey, at least they *look* ready for the apocalypse—because clearly, one can never be too prepared to conquer a suburban cul-de-sac.

If the *sole* purpose of a raised Dually truck is to block my view and dominate the entire lane in front of me, then *mission accomplished*. Nothing says "perfect" quite like staring at the undercarriage of a vehicle so high up that I could drive my sedan right underneath it without scraping the roof.

It’s like the driver woke up and thought, “You know what the world needs today? Less visibility for everyone behind me.” Forget safety, who needs to see the road when you can gaze longingly at the suspension of a glorified tractor? It’s almost poetic how these trucks turn everyday driving into a thrilling game of “guess what’s ahead.” Will it be a green light? A car accident? Who knows, thanks to Mr. Mount Everest of Trucks blocking my view of the future.

Yes, perfect. Just what the world needed: one more giant rolling roadblock to remind us all we’re not meant to see more than 10 feet in front of us.

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